Behind the mask
by littlelionsam
Summary: Short oneshot based on the scene in the pilot when Bette and Tina meet Shane early in the morning in front of their house. My interpretation of what Shane was thinking and feeling.


She walks home, away from the girl she fucked just a few hours ago. She doesn't do sleepovers. She never stays for breakfast or a good-morning-kiss. She always leaves before the girls wake up. She hates drama, and staying over until they're awake always causes drama. She knows that she has this weird effect on chicks, no matter whether they're straight or gay or whatever. She knows she is hot and she knows that she can get everyone she wants. She can tell by the looks that she gets, desperate, longing looks, sent to her by young girls, barely fifteen, by frustrated women who are twice as old as she is, by girls in the clubs, sometimes even by her friends.

She returns to the evening before, letting her thoughts go back to that girl that hit on her in the bar. What was her name again? She can't remember. She remembers other things, though. Red lips, a very talented tongue in a mouth that tasted a little like strawberries, very sweet and somehow innocent, but also sharp, but pleasing, the taste of alcohol running down her throat. She remembers black lingerie being taken off hastily, thrown into a corner of a stranger's bedroom, revealing breasts that soon were covered again, but this time with/by (?) her hands, hands that were massaging and squeezing, stroking and exploring the stranger's body just like they had massaged and squeezed a thousand breasts, stroked and explored hundreds of bodies before. She remembers soft moans, a high voice whimpering into her ear, groans growing louder, hands searching for something to hold on to, a shivering body under her. She smiles a little at the memory of that wave of pride that hit her instead of pleasure, the feeling of being almighty, even if it is for just one moment, the feeling of being good at at least one thing in life.

Suddenly she realizes that she knows the house that is in front of her is Bette's and Tina's, and when she sees them sitting on the stairs that lead up to the front door of the house, she decides to chat with them a little. So she stops and walks a few steps towards them.

„Hey!" she greets them, and „Hey!" she is greeted back by a surprised Bette.

„What are you doing here this early?"

She puts up her hands and says „I'm going home."

„From?"

Shit, she thinks. She doesn't know from whom she's going home. So all she does is blink once, and she knows that Bette and Tina understand, because they laugh a little and Bette tells her to never mind. She smiles and lets out a „Yeah.", but it's not a „Yeah, `course I never mind" or a „What else did you think I'd do?-Yeah", it's a slightly sad, affirming „Yeah."

All of a sudden she can practically see and feel the aura of happiness and love which is surrounding the two women and she asks them: „You two did just get laid, didn't you." Tina blushes and muffles something while Bette plays with her hand, and she tells them that something like that gives her hope, that two persons who have been together for such a long time still can make each other that happy. But she feels that something inside of her is cracking and so she shifts a little and tries to swallow the tears that might run down her face. She can't take this happiness, this love and peacefulness any longer, and with a raspy voice she says „See ya, guys" and turns, ready to go although she wants to stay so badly. She wants to tell Bette and Tina, her friends, the ones who are there for here, the ones who actually would try to understand her, that she hates her life, that she wants to be loved and to love, that she needs to love. She faces them again, still sitting and smiling at her, and she knows that they know that she wants to stay. Bette says „Be good" and she knows that Bette means what she says, and because she doesn't want to lie, she says „I'll try." and adds „Later.. I'm gonna go now." She smiles at them one more time and leaves, disappears behind Bette's and Tina's hedge, heads down the road towards her so-called „home". She tells herself to toughen up, to not let herself behave like some weak girly-girl. She is still herself. She's still going to fuck some girl tonight and tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. She hasn't changed. She's still Shane, after all.


End file.
